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5 Ways to Feel More confident in Bed

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That have nothing to do with your appearance.

We’ve all come across articles online about how to increase our sexual confidence. They consist of exercise tips, lingerie listicles, and even pieces on how to position yourself in bed to make your body look slimmer. However, there is so much more to feeling comfortable in sexual situations. Here are a few things to try if you want a confidence boost that doesn’t involve a new personal trainer or expensive underwear. And surprise, one of them is using birth control (which, remember, you can get for free or at a low-cost at your nearest The Right Time health center)! 

1. Know what you like. 

When it comes to what turns us on, everyone is built a little differently. And whether it’s your first time or your fiftieth, each first time with a new person will be a learning experience. Remember you’re both in the same boat. At least you can go into it knowing what excites you. When with a partner or exploring on your own, make mental notes of what feels good and what feels, you know, really good. Your partner will be grateful for the pointers on pleasing you and you’ll feel more confident and in control of the fun. 

2. Be daring…with your clothes on. 

Between all of our responsibilities and commitments, it’s easy to get stuck in a day-to-day rut. To avoid the doldrums killing your vibe, keep a list of cool things you hear about that you wouldn’t normally do. It could be something physical, like an aerial yoga class, or something mental, like a free online course on Romantic poetry. When you’re feeling blah, go out and try something from your list. Stepping out of your comfort zone will help boost your confidence all-around. 

3. Talk about what’s holding you back. 

If you know what’s keeping you from feeling confident during sex, discuss it with your partner. Sometimes we don’t bring up uncomfortable topics, like sexually transmitted infections, because they’re not fun to talk about. If you and your partner have not been tested for STIs yet, using condoms can help prevent either of you from transmitting an infection you may not know you have. When you’re ready to discuss getting tested, consider going together or exchanging results. Being open about your sexual health may help you feel more comfortable being open with your partner in other ways. 

4. Get protected. 

For some, worrying about STIs or pregnancy can make sex less fun. Having a plan for birth control and STI prevention before things get going is nice because you can spend more of your energy being present and enjoying the moment and less energy worrying. For access to all the methods of contraception for free or at a low-cost, make an appointment to talk to a provider at your nearest The Right Time health center

5. Check in with yourself. 

Maybe you feel a little nervous before sex, and that can be totally natural. Go ahead and check in with yourself about why  you feel that way. Is your partner the soul mate you’ve been dreaming of?  

If you find yourself feeling nervous because your partner makes you feel intimidated or because you would rather leave but feel awkward about it, you can always say no.   

Updated September 2021 

Ashley Canino is a freelance writer and media researcher living in New York. You can find more of her work at and follow her on Twitter @AshleyCanino.

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Our partner health centers are focused on you. They provide access to all methods of birth control and free or low-cost birth control to those who need it.