Boundaries in the Bedroom: How to Set Them

When it comes to sexual health, lots of conversations focus on birth control, STI prevention, and anatomy. But there’s another key part of sexual well-being that often gets overlooked: boundaries.

Boundaries are the limits you set to feel safe, respected, and comfortable in sexual situations. They can cover anything from what kinds of sexual activity you’re open to, to how you like to communicate during sex, to whether you want sex at all.

Why boundaries matter
Clear boundaries help ensure that sexual experiences are consensual, enjoyable, and free of pressure. Without them, misunderstandings can happen, and those can lead to discomfort, hurt feelings, or even harm. Setting boundaries isn’t about being “difficult” or “ruining the mood.” It’s about making sure you and your partner feel respected and connected.

Boundaries also shift over time. Something that felt okay in the past might not feel okay now, and something that didn't feel okay in the past might be something you'd like to try now. That’s normal. Checking in with yourself and your partner(s) keeps those limits up to date.

How to set boundaries

1. Know your needs and comfort levels
   Before you can share your boundaries with someone else, you need to be clear about them yourself. Think about your physical, emotional, and mental comfort zones. Are there specific activities you’re curious about? Is there anything you do not want to do?
2. Communicate openly — before, during, and after
   It’s easier to talk about boundaries outside of the heat of the moment. Share what you like, what you don’t like, and what you’re unsure about. During sex, it’s okay to speak up if something doesn’t feel right, and afterward, you can check in about what worked and what didn’t.
3. Use clear language
   Phrases like “I’m not into that” or “I’d like to stop now” are direct and don’t leave room for misunderstanding.
4. Respect your partner’s boundaries, too
   Healthy boundaries go both ways. Just as you want your limits respected, it’s important to honor theirs.

The bottom line
Boundaries aren’t about putting up walls. Instead, they’re about building trust and creating an environment where everyone can feel comfortable and enjoy themselves. Talking about boundaries may feel awkward at first, but it’s a skill that gets easier with practice. If you have questions about how to set boundaries with your partner(s) or would like free or low-cost access to all the methods of birth control, make an appointment to talk to a provider at your nearest The Right Time health center.