Handling the “When Are You Having Kids?” Question Around the Holidays

The holidays are supposed to be cozy, joyful, and full of good food… but all that time with family who may not know what’s going on in your life can also mean getting lots of unsolicited questions from family, like “When are you going to have kids?”

Whether it comes from well-meaning parents, nosy relatives, or casual acquaintances, someone asking about your life plans can feel invasive if kids aren’t in your immediate roadmap—and it can be especially painful if you’re actively trying to start a family and facing fertility challenges.

Here are a few possible ways to respond, depending on your style and how you feel in the moment.

Polite redirection:

These short replies help you deflect, reset the conversation, and redirect things somewhere more comfortable.

• “I’m still figuring things out. But enough about me, how are things going with you?”

• “When the time is right. Thanks for asking.”

• “When we’re ready. So, what have you been up to lately?”

Funny and lighthearted:

Injecting a little humor can diffuse the tension and make the question feel less intrusive.

• “After we’ve put in hundreds of hours practicing.”

• “How soon do you need to know – and what’s the best way to notify you?”

• “We keep trying… but I think our very effective birth control is working a little too well.”

• “We’re thinking about trying tonight, actually. Any suggestions?”

• “We already have one.” Then point to your pet.

There’s no “right” way to answer, and you don’t have to justify your choices. The goal of these responses is to help you protect your emotional space and steer conversations in a way that feels comfortable for you. Your timeline is yours, and you don’t owe anyone an update, not even during the season of sharing. And until you’re ready to have kids, your nearest The Right Time health center can help you understand your birth control options.