"Not right now": Frequency Asked Questions
How do I tell the new guy I'm dating that I'm not having sex right now?
First and foremost, make sure you talk to him before you two are in the process of getting hot and heavy. Second, you might want to think before you talk to him about exactly how you want to explain your choice. Be honest about your reasons and clear about what you are and aren’t comfortable doing. If he’s a good match for you, he’ll respect your choice!
My boyfriend and I want to be intimate but we don't want to have intercourse at this point. Any suggestions?
There are loads of ways to be intimate without having vaginal intercourse. You can experiment with outercourse, toys, touching, anal sex, or oral sex. Remember that if you want to avoid vaginal sex but are okay with anal or oral sex, you should still use a condom or a dental dam to protect against STIs.
Whatever you decide to do, if you’re going to start experimenting, you should definitely talk with your partner before the heat of the moment about how far you plan to go. Then make sure you both agree that you will stop if things start to heat up too much.
What if I meet someone and I'm considering changing my mind about not having sex right now?
It’s perfectly natural to be attracted to someone, but if you’re seriously considering having sex after a period of abstinence, it’s important to take some time to think about your reasons for waiting. If you realize it’s still important to you not to have sex right now, you should talk to your new partner about your reasons and arrange firm limits on what you’re comfortable doing with them. On the other hand, if you decide you do want to have sex (but you don’t want to get pregnant), it’s a good idea to start looking into a birth control method that’s right for you before you do so.
Either way, you might want to have some condoms and EC on hand just in case.
